We're now three weeks in to M's school journey and although there are still some glitches that are yet to be ironed out, she seems to be settling in a bit. Generally from what I can gather, socially she seems to be getting on fine and since meeting another mum at the parents' evening we have sorted out a lift share a couple of afternoons each week. We've only done it a couple of times so far, but M and her friend A have spent some time together after school as well. In fact they chose to get some homework done together last Thursday after school at our house.
As far as the academic side of things is concerned M seems to be doing fine too. She really doesn't like homework, but often gets in and gets at least part of it out done and out of the way immediately. Homework has changed absolutely hugely since I was teaching, nevermind since I was at school. Admittedly it's 13 years since I taught, but text books seem to be a thing of the past, at least in terms of each child having one that they take home with them. In addition to that a significant amount of homework is now both set and completed online, in SNA's case on showmyhomework.co.uk, along with other websites, such as hegartymaths. The vast majority of the homework she has been given so far has been online (mostly maths tasks) and learning vocabulary for French and German (which fortunately she doesn't find too difficult) along with some finishing off classwork and drawing exercises for technology and art.
Until a couple of days ago, M had been very vocal in her dislike of school. She has stated very firmly that she made the wrong decision in going to school and was not happy. She understood why we had said she had to continue until Christmas, but that did not stop her railing against it. I was absolutely gobsmacked when yesterday morning she said that it seemed like everyone expected/wanted (I can't remember exactly what she said) her to stay at school and that she might stay for the whole year. I reminded her that it's her choice and that it doesn't matter what other people think of her decision to which she replied rather grumpily that she knew that and I had told her that a million times already!
M has made it through to half term now, as tomorrow is an inset day. That feels like quite an achievement and I'm cautiously optimistic that the next half term will be a bit less of a struggle. M is talking about starting an after school activity after the holiday, probably either the concert band or a sports club, which I'm hoping will help her continue to settle in. As to what she will decide at Christmas when we talk about options again, I have no idea!
Thursday, 20 October 2016
Monday, 10 October 2016
Settling in.
We had a lovely but rather busy weekend, not ideal in terms of rest but it fulfilled M's wish to keep in touch with friends. On Saturday morning M and A got up early (well early by my standards) and joined our neighbours, H, C & L for a Park Run. M and L got their best time yet and it was A's first time and he apparently did pretty well too, although struggled to go up and down stairs for the rest of the weekend! Later that day we were invited to a barbeque at our lovely neighbours' and had a lovely time.
On Sunday, it was the weekly cleaning of the rats' cage in the morning. Then there was some conflict over getting homework and other things done. That's putting in mildly really, but we resolved it eventually and finished with cuddles. We met friends who we haven't seen for a while for cake in the afternoon. We had a lovely catch up and they came back to ours for a play afterwards. We finished the weekend with K's birthday meal treat, which had been postponed from the previous day, which was takeaway pizza in front of Strictly Come Dancing.
This morning was hard. M really didn't want to get up and she definitely did not want to go to school. When we got there, she told me that we had broken our promise that she could change her mind if she thought she'd made the wrong decision. When I reminded her that the agreement had been that she needed to give it a really proper go and that we were working on the basis of going for a year, that less than two weeks really wasn't a proper go and that we had already compromised by saying we would reassess the situation at Christmas, she wasn't impressed.
Things seemed somewhat better when I picked her up after school fortunately and we returned a short time later for parents' evening. As soon as we walked in she spotted a friend and went to chat to her and there were several other girls she went to talked to as well. Having spoken to most of her teachers, she has made an overwhelmingly positive impression, that she was doing well with the work. We spoke to one of her two English teachers, who said she had an excellent understanding of what she read, could predict what might happen and understand what a character might be feeling. Rather predictably the thing she noted as needing to be worked on was M's handwriting, which is fair. Most of the teachers said she was quiet and encouraged her to volunteer answers occasionally, although one (who M has said that she likes and who is less strict than most of the others) said she was rather chatty!
Talking on the way home, M said that she does understand why we're saying she has to say until Christmas, she just doesn't like it, but actually when I suggested that she might even change her mind by then (with reference to doing different sports later) she didn't disagree. I'm feeling much more hopeful that she will settle in and enjoy the experience, whether she decides to continue or not.
Meanwhile at home, K and I had a conversation about what is reasonable and realistic for her to be doing and together came up with a loose timetable for her. She had been trying to come up with one for herself, but it's been taking so long that she's not been doing much work!
She then did some maths on Khan Academy, but very frustratingly (from my point of view at least) she got stuck straight away. It wasn't anything to do with the maths, but with her refusal to accept the standard notation used. What she was doing was solving a problem that was written with a couple of letters in place of numbers and finding the answer by replacing the letters with the values given. She really, really does not like the fact that you don't use multiplication signs when letters are used instead of numbers and insisted that if p=6 and q=8 then pq should =68 rather than 48. I got very frustrated and raised my voice slightly when asking her to just accept the standard notation and solve the problem. K got rather upset and after a big cuddle when she couldn't tell me what was wrong, she told me it was because I'd shouted at her. I'm inclined to think that it was more likely to be a reaction to the emotions that have been running high at home over the past couple of weeks, but after a big hug she did get on with the maths. She reconciled herself to accepting the notation by writing extremely large multiplication signs when solving the problems.
I found out this evening that she has led me to believe that she had made more progress with the English course she is doing than is the case, so we've had a chat about honesty and agreed that we'll check in with each other more frequently. K is very private and doesn't want to show me what she's writing a lot of the time, so it's tricky to find the balance between respecting that and keeping an eye on how she's getting on and supporting her to make progress.
In addition to the new situation for the girls, changes are afoot for A too. It's not entirely settled yet, but it's very likely that he will be changing jobs soon. Assuming this goes to plan, the new situation will mean possibly more travel (although less of the very long day trips that he currently has), including around a week each month in Amsterdam from January. The biggest change, however, will be that when he is here he will be working from home rather than going to an office in town each day. We told the girls this at the weekend and their reaction was a unison, 'Working from home? That's just wrong!' Another new thing to get used to.
On Sunday, it was the weekly cleaning of the rats' cage in the morning. Then there was some conflict over getting homework and other things done. That's putting in mildly really, but we resolved it eventually and finished with cuddles. We met friends who we haven't seen for a while for cake in the afternoon. We had a lovely catch up and they came back to ours for a play afterwards. We finished the weekend with K's birthday meal treat, which had been postponed from the previous day, which was takeaway pizza in front of Strictly Come Dancing.
This morning was hard. M really didn't want to get up and she definitely did not want to go to school. When we got there, she told me that we had broken our promise that she could change her mind if she thought she'd made the wrong decision. When I reminded her that the agreement had been that she needed to give it a really proper go and that we were working on the basis of going for a year, that less than two weeks really wasn't a proper go and that we had already compromised by saying we would reassess the situation at Christmas, she wasn't impressed.
Things seemed somewhat better when I picked her up after school fortunately and we returned a short time later for parents' evening. As soon as we walked in she spotted a friend and went to chat to her and there were several other girls she went to talked to as well. Having spoken to most of her teachers, she has made an overwhelmingly positive impression, that she was doing well with the work. We spoke to one of her two English teachers, who said she had an excellent understanding of what she read, could predict what might happen and understand what a character might be feeling. Rather predictably the thing she noted as needing to be worked on was M's handwriting, which is fair. Most of the teachers said she was quiet and encouraged her to volunteer answers occasionally, although one (who M has said that she likes and who is less strict than most of the others) said she was rather chatty!
Talking on the way home, M said that she does understand why we're saying she has to say until Christmas, she just doesn't like it, but actually when I suggested that she might even change her mind by then (with reference to doing different sports later) she didn't disagree. I'm feeling much more hopeful that she will settle in and enjoy the experience, whether she decides to continue or not.
Meanwhile at home, K and I had a conversation about what is reasonable and realistic for her to be doing and together came up with a loose timetable for her. She had been trying to come up with one for herself, but it's been taking so long that she's not been doing much work!
She then did some maths on Khan Academy, but very frustratingly (from my point of view at least) she got stuck straight away. It wasn't anything to do with the maths, but with her refusal to accept the standard notation used. What she was doing was solving a problem that was written with a couple of letters in place of numbers and finding the answer by replacing the letters with the values given. She really, really does not like the fact that you don't use multiplication signs when letters are used instead of numbers and insisted that if p=6 and q=8 then pq should =68 rather than 48. I got very frustrated and raised my voice slightly when asking her to just accept the standard notation and solve the problem. K got rather upset and after a big cuddle when she couldn't tell me what was wrong, she told me it was because I'd shouted at her. I'm inclined to think that it was more likely to be a reaction to the emotions that have been running high at home over the past couple of weeks, but after a big hug she did get on with the maths. She reconciled herself to accepting the notation by writing extremely large multiplication signs when solving the problems.
I found out this evening that she has led me to believe that she had made more progress with the English course she is doing than is the case, so we've had a chat about honesty and agreed that we'll check in with each other more frequently. K is very private and doesn't want to show me what she's writing a lot of the time, so it's tricky to find the balance between respecting that and keeping an eye on how she's getting on and supporting her to make progress.
In addition to the new situation for the girls, changes are afoot for A too. It's not entirely settled yet, but it's very likely that he will be changing jobs soon. Assuming this goes to plan, the new situation will mean possibly more travel (although less of the very long day trips that he currently has), including around a week each month in Amsterdam from January. The biggest change, however, will be that when he is here he will be working from home rather than going to an office in town each day. We told the girls this at the weekend and their reaction was a unison, 'Working from home? That's just wrong!' Another new thing to get used to.
Thursday, 6 October 2016
A week in.
It's been a tough one. Very tough and very emotional. There have been tears (M's and mine), lots of cuddles and talking and a bit of shouting.
Although M had anticipated that school would be hard to start with, neither of us really appreciated just how hard she would find it. The first day was, of course, a massive culture shock. She knew nobody in her year and only a couple of older acquaintances from gymnastics in any other years. In addition she started a few weeks after everyone else, so they are just about at the point where they know what they're doing and where they're going. The final straw was that we had arranged to meet in reception after school, just for the first day, and she didn't turn up. She had been swept out of school with everyone else and not allowed back in by the builders who control the path through the demolition site of the old school buildings. There was absolutely no mobile phone coverage, so she hadn't managed to contact me and vice versa. After 10 minutes or so of waiting, with various teachers looking around the school for her, one of the teachers and I went to look outside, where I found her waiting by the car. She had managed to hold it together until that point...just.
Since then M has not wanted to go to school. She accepts that she needs to give it longer and that it's very early days and that there's a lot to get used to, but she doesn't want to go. I don't think the work has been a problem, although in most of the lessons they seem to be part way through various projects. The one subject for which she'd been put into the top set and was completely out of her depth that was an issue was maths, but she's now been moved and her form tutor is now her teacher, so I'm hopeful that will improve. There are some subjects that she quite likes, PE and technology in particular. Some of her first impressions were that 'everybody swears and people have drawn penises on the chairs'. Although she's been very clear that she does not like school, every day so far there has been something that has been either 'okay' or she has liked.
As far as friendships are concerned, M is very mature and realises that they take time. She has said that there are people who are friendly, but that she doesn't know if they are being nice because she's new or if they really like her, so we've talked about those people being potential friends.
Her form tutor has been excellent. He has been very responsive to emails and phoned yesterday for a chat, although since I was just on my way to pick her up (Wednesday is the only day I can't pick her up at the end of school, so she stayed to do homework in the library, which is an option until 4pm) I met him rather than talking on the phone. He has been very supportive and helpful sorting out a couple of issues that we've brought up and he is clearly very on the ball, putting extra support in place very quickly when he has noticed it was needed.
We are all aware that it's still very early days but given how hard M is finding it, rather than keeping to what we originally said, that it would be for a year (although with the caveat that we would of course take her out if she was very unhappy), we have said we'll take it a term at a time. Knowing that if things are no better (and I do think that they are improving slowly) by Christmas she won't necessarily have to go back has helped M somewhat.
It's parents' evening on Monday, which will be interesting. I'm aware that the teachers won't have much to say, given that it will only have been school days, so some may only have seen her once or twice, but I see it as a good way to get to know the school better and see if there's anything we can do at home to support M. It will also be my first parents' evening as a parent; I've been to them as a pupil and a teacher, so this will complete the set!
And in other news, it's K's birthday today. She's turned 13, which is pronounced 'tenty-three' because she does not want to be a teenager. She got up at 6.50am, so that she could open at least some of her presents with the whole family there before A had to leave to at 7.05am to catch a train.
Although M had anticipated that school would be hard to start with, neither of us really appreciated just how hard she would find it. The first day was, of course, a massive culture shock. She knew nobody in her year and only a couple of older acquaintances from gymnastics in any other years. In addition she started a few weeks after everyone else, so they are just about at the point where they know what they're doing and where they're going. The final straw was that we had arranged to meet in reception after school, just for the first day, and she didn't turn up. She had been swept out of school with everyone else and not allowed back in by the builders who control the path through the demolition site of the old school buildings. There was absolutely no mobile phone coverage, so she hadn't managed to contact me and vice versa. After 10 minutes or so of waiting, with various teachers looking around the school for her, one of the teachers and I went to look outside, where I found her waiting by the car. She had managed to hold it together until that point...just.
Since then M has not wanted to go to school. She accepts that she needs to give it longer and that it's very early days and that there's a lot to get used to, but she doesn't want to go. I don't think the work has been a problem, although in most of the lessons they seem to be part way through various projects. The one subject for which she'd been put into the top set and was completely out of her depth that was an issue was maths, but she's now been moved and her form tutor is now her teacher, so I'm hopeful that will improve. There are some subjects that she quite likes, PE and technology in particular. Some of her first impressions were that 'everybody swears and people have drawn penises on the chairs'. Although she's been very clear that she does not like school, every day so far there has been something that has been either 'okay' or she has liked.
As far as friendships are concerned, M is very mature and realises that they take time. She has said that there are people who are friendly, but that she doesn't know if they are being nice because she's new or if they really like her, so we've talked about those people being potential friends.
Her form tutor has been excellent. He has been very responsive to emails and phoned yesterday for a chat, although since I was just on my way to pick her up (Wednesday is the only day I can't pick her up at the end of school, so she stayed to do homework in the library, which is an option until 4pm) I met him rather than talking on the phone. He has been very supportive and helpful sorting out a couple of issues that we've brought up and he is clearly very on the ball, putting extra support in place very quickly when he has noticed it was needed.
We are all aware that it's still very early days but given how hard M is finding it, rather than keeping to what we originally said, that it would be for a year (although with the caveat that we would of course take her out if she was very unhappy), we have said we'll take it a term at a time. Knowing that if things are no better (and I do think that they are improving slowly) by Christmas she won't necessarily have to go back has helped M somewhat.
It's parents' evening on Monday, which will be interesting. I'm aware that the teachers won't have much to say, given that it will only have been school days, so some may only have seen her once or twice, but I see it as a good way to get to know the school better and see if there's anything we can do at home to support M. It will also be my first parents' evening as a parent; I've been to them as a pupil and a teacher, so this will complete the set!
And in other news, it's K's birthday today. She's turned 13, which is pronounced 'tenty-three' because she does not want to be a teenager. She got up at 6.50am, so that she could open at least some of her presents with the whole family there before A had to leave to at 7.05am to catch a train.
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