Working towards a new normal.

Last Friday we went to visit the school at which M had been offered a place when we first applied for a school place at our local school back in June.  We have had several very stressful months, which were very much focused on one goal.  It was only after finding out that we were not successful in that goal, that M was in a position where she could really consider other school alternatives to continuing with home education.  Given that we would have inevitably had to go through another appeal process for any of the other three local schools with the chance of success being probably slimmer, we did not consider those.

However, one of the things that stood out for me about M's decision regarding school was that she 'didn't want never to have been to school'; that she wanted to experience it.  So knowing that we could visit another school and there would definitely be a place for her if she and (to a lesser extent) we liked it, it made sense to do so and M agreed.  So on Friday we, that's M, A & I, went along to have a look around SNA.  It's a brand new building (they are still knocking down the old ones) that they have only moved into this term.  As at 'the other place' (that's what we now call the local school), a deputy head showed us around, but that's pretty much where the similarity ends.  There was no feeling of being whisked around as fast as possible, and we all sat down together and had plenty of opportunity to ask questions afterwards as well as while we were being shown around.  Because the school is not ridiculously overfull the class sizes will be smaller and it sounds as though there will be flexibility of movement between sets if necessary as a result.  The school itself is less than half the size too, which I see as a very good thing.  The only things which SNA compared unfavourably against 'the other place' were the distance (it's definitely not walkable, so either a car ride, at least to start with, or the bus) and therefore logistical difficulties of clashes with K's home ed activities and that M does not know anyone in her year group there although she did wave to a couple of older girls she knows from gymnastics though.

It's always handy to have insider knowledge, which we don't have about SNA to the same extent as we do for 'the other place'.  However, a colleague of A's has family in the area whose children have been through the school and who is the sort of person who knows everyone locally and from what we have heard through those channels the school has a very good reputation for the pastoral side of things.

Following our visit we asked M to make a decision by Monday evening.  We wanted to give her time to think it over and the chance to talk to people if she wanted to.  She did have another chat on Saturday with her lovely friend/neighbour/childsitter, who is doing A-levels this year at 'the other place' and has been so helpful and supportive of M throughout the whole process.  The pros and cons list that they did together and that we then added a few more things to was really helpful.  When I asked M what she was feeling about the option of going to school on a scale of 1 (definitely not going) to 10 (definitely going) she told me she was on about 5.5.  By this morning, I thought that she had probably decided and that she was going to go and I think that she's made the right decision for her for now.  I shared my thoughts with her; that if she thinks she will want to experience school at some point now is a sensible time to do it and that although she had wanted to go to school with her friends, she would make new friends quickly at SNA and that didn't mean she'd lose touch with her old ones.  Also I reminded her that one of things she'd said when she originally decided she did want to go to school back in May, was about wanting to experience school and that she would be doing that and that this decision was about this year and we would review it at the end of the academic year anyway.  If school doesn't suit her, then she can return to home ed and she will have got out of the experience one of the things that she wanted and if it does then she can continue.  Finally, I encouraged her to tell me sooner if she had decided, because it would be useful to hand in the form as soon as possible if she did want to go and the fact that we had both filled in the form (there were two copies in the pack we'd been given on Friday) in the morning meant that we were ready to do so.

Around lunch time M decided and told me that she does want to go, so I phoned the school and arranged to take the forms and speak to someone at the same time about starting.  It was a different member of staff from last time, but just as helpful and welcoming.  She asked my opinion on how best to integrate M into school and offered the option of part time for the first week.  I said that I thought diving straight in might be better, but that doing so mid-week rather than a Monday would be a good idea if we went for that and asked M what she thought.  M said she didn't mind, so we agreed a starting day of this Thursday.  That just about gives us time to sort out her uniform and some last bits and pieces.

This is going to take some getting used to and M is really rather nervous, as am I, but I am confident that the school will help her with the transition to school and whether this is the end of the road of home education or merely a pause, she will be okay.

What next?

After a very emotional day on Friday, we had a lovely weekend away at Nana's which helped take our minds off the whole school thing.  We went for a good walk and returned with blackberries, damsons and sloes (I made bramble jelly this morning); foraging is always very satisfying!

Although M needed some time to process things, A and I decided that it would be sensible to find out what the options are as regards school if M does decide that is something she still wants to consider.  So he phoned the school where M had been allocated a place automatically, when we originally not offered a place at her catchment school.  Having found out that they do have places and she would therefore be able to go if she wanted to, we asked if she would like to have a look round.  She had a think and talked to K about it and decided that she would, so I have arranged a visit on Friday.

Although we're back dealing with uncertainty again, this time M will be able to make a decision and know that it is not dependent on others whether it can happen.  When I said as much to her today, M told me, that she didn't like the way we are bringing her up, to make her own decisions, because then she can't blame us when things go wrong!  That really did make me laugh, although I must admit I can understand where she's coming from there.

Meanwhile, K is cracking on with things in her own way.  She's made her own timetable which I have not been allowed to see but, given how much she seemed to get on with things today, seems to be an interesting idea.  She is very motivated at the moment, so I'm hoping she finds a routine that she'll be able to sustain.  Today was the first session of a pre-GCSE science that she's started, which sounds like it's going to be very interesting.  The lessons are two and a half hours including a break in the middle in a small group of half a dozen children.  In addition to the science she also did some piano practice, did some maths on Khan Academy, French on Duolingo, started the pre-GCSE English course that she's doing with Catherine Mooney and did a bit of the online touch typing course.  From what I gathered she had time-tabled most of those things for 15 minute sessions; I suggested that slightly longer sessions might work better which she is considering.

School appeal update - the result.

We hoped that the letter would arrive before the weekend and have been hanging on the arrival of the post for the past couple of days.  Today it arrived and it did not bring the answer that we'd hoped for.  While I admit that I had mixed feelings about the idea of M going to school, I knew it was the right thing for her.  Sadly she is not going to get the experience that she so wanted to have.

"The panel considered all the points that you made and were equally mindful of the case for prejudice to the the efficient working and use of resources against the school.  The panel weighed all the evidence heard and on balance concluded that the case for the child did not outweigh the case for prejudice against the school and The XX School was not uniquely placed to address M's needs.  I have to advise therefore that your appeal was rejected unanimously."

M was absolutely devastated at the news. She put so much emotional time and effort into really thinking this decision through, whether to go to school or not.  It really was not an easy decision for her and understandably it feels very much like a personal rejection.  It feels as though her chance to experience school has been taken away from her.  She has seen all the time and effort that we've put into this appeal and does at least know that we really did do our very best to try to make it happen for her.

We're going to take a bit of time for now, but will then need to talk things through with M to decide what's next.

Options to consider include:

• applying for one of the other three local schools, but our chances of being offered a place are at best no better than this time (two being faith schools, the other not our catchment school and all three already oversubscribed), so would involve going through the stress that we've had for the past few months with almost certainly the same result.  I think it's fair to say that we've already pretty much ruled this one out.

• taking the offer of a place (although it would mean reapplying, as we've already turned it down) at a school outside the area, probably the one where M was offered a place.

• continue with home education at least for now, which would mean M accepting that she will probably never have the experience of school and knowing for herself what it is really like. 

At the moment, we'll probably be going for the last option, but we need some time and headspace to properly think things through.  Something that I am wondering about and that we'll look into, to find out if it's an option at all, is going to stay with a friend for a week or maybe even two and going to school with them.  A cousin of mine did this for a few weeks when moving to England from Germany with his dad, my uncle, when he lived with us for a while and went to school with my brother.  I don't know whether it's even a possibility nowadays though.  The positive would be that she would see what school was like, even if it wasn't the same as actually attending one, on the downside if she decided it was something that would suit her (having possibly had a not completely authentic experience to base the decision on), it would make this result even harder to come to terms with.

To end on a positive note, at least we'll still be able to go on holiday in term time for now at least!

School appeal update - the hearing.

Well, today was the day that we've been gearing up to for about a month - the appeal hearing.  I have been finding it really stressful, both preparing for the appeal itself (I have got physically shaky whenever we've been working on it) but just as much the uncertainty for M and for us as a family.  Unfortunately A is abroad with work so couldn't come, but H, our lovely friend and neighbour who has been through an appeal at primary level for her daughter L when they moved to the area a couple of years ago, came with me for support.

Having looked at the stats on my blog, it's really quite noticeable how much interest there seems to be in my posts about this, so thought that it may be helpful for anyone else who may be in this position in the future to know what the process is like.

We had been given information about the process but had misunderstood what it was saying.  The hearing is in two parts, the first where school puts their case, namely that they are full.  Our understanding was that we had to show that this was not the case in order to progress to the second part, about M and why she should have a place.  Actually, the second part happens only if the school does show that they are full.  If the appeal panel is not satisfied that the school is full, then there is a place so M would have been given it without having to put our case.  It seems rather bizarre that it is only if the panel accepts that there is not space that they then move on to hearing our case as to why M should go to the school and indeed determine whether she should go there anyway, but that's how it works.

The appeal panel is independent of the school and made of three people.  There has to be one 'educationalist' and two others, in this case a business woman and a man who had been a school governor and parent.  They were clearly aware of the stressful nature of the situation, did their best to make it as easy as possible, while still asking sensible and searching questions.  They had obviously read what we had submitted in writing and also the emails that asked for further information subsequent to receiving the school's case, along with the replies.

It was the school's head who put its case, fairly briefly, but based on the written submission that the panel had already received, and that had been provided for us several weeks ago.  I was then given the opportunity to put questions to him, when I asked about some of the numbers we'd been provided with (about how although the school is clearly oversubscribed this year, it's not to the extent that it was last year).  The panel then asked a number of questions as well.  At this point we, the school's representatives and H and I were asked to leave for the panel to consider whether the case had been made.  It didn't take long for them to decide that it had, which was absolutely fair enough.

Then it was my turn.  I started off by saying that we bring up our children to make their own decisions and then they do, which is why we were there.  My main points were that we considered it essential for M to go to this school where she had established friendships in order to support her transition to school education; that this was something that M had given a great deal of thought and consideration to; and that this was her catchment school (and she would be less likely to be offered a place at any of the three other local schools and that a school further away would be isolating for her).  One of the questions that the panel asked was about what had prompted M's decision to go to school.  I explained that, somewhat ironically given the reason we home educated in the first place was the amount of testing at primary level, it was feeling left out during the end of SATS celebrations of friends that prompted her seriously considering the possibility of school.  Another question was what our Plan B was, to which I replied that we would continue with home education.  When given the opportunity to put questions to me, the head picked up on my remarks about testing about primary level and asked my feelings on the testing that takes place in school, for setting and continued assessment.  I replied that in that case it was about ensuring the pupils were in the right group as regards the level they were working at and was to their benefit, rather than about testing the school and entirely different.

The school and I were each given the opportunity to make any final remarks, at which time the head took the opportunity to try to suggest that M could go to another of the school in the academy chain and indeed mentioned this again in the corridor afterwards. (That's not going to happen!)  I took the opportunity to ask about the school's waiting list.  It states on their website that they maintain a waiting list only for year 7 and only until Christmas.  The head started to explain that it follows the same admission criteria, but I clarifed that this was not what I meant and asked at what point the child at the top of the waiting list would be offered a place, if it would be if year 7 child left the school.  He explained that would only happen when the number of children in the year dropped back to below the published number that the school is 'supposed' to have (I can't remember if it's the PAN or IAN - published/indicative admission number), which given that they are currently around 60 children above that number means that the waiting list is a complete farce.  However, I'm very glad that I did ask that, as it means that we know where we stand.

Stressful though it was, the hearing went as well as it could have done I think, and H said the same.  I might have shed a tear or two of relief once it was over.  We will hear within five working days in writing by first class post, although I'm hoping that we'll know by the weekend.  I'd been hoping that the ball of stress in my stomach that has been there for the past month or so would go once I'd got the hearing out of the way, but unsurprisingly given the uncertainty is still hanging over us, it's still there.

Mostly M.

M and I have been struggling lately and there have been some instances of less than my finest moments of parenting, when dealing with her less than reasonable reactions at times.  Understandably M is finding is very difficult to cope with the uncertainty of not yet knowing whether she can go to school yet and I'm finding it all very stressful too.  This time next week, we should hopefully at least know the answer to that; the appeal is tomorrow (Tuesday) and we will be informed in writing 'within five working days', so it could be after the weekend but we're hoping not.

On a completely lovely note back before the summer break, M decided that our friend known as Korfball Kathy, who is my oldest Nottingham friend and coaches the junior korfballers, deserved a Blue Peter sports badge.  Having decided this, she wrote to Blue Peter, telling them about her and asking if she could have one.  It was probably about a month or so later that she received a letter back from them.  It said that unfortunately she was too old for a sports badge, but they sent a Blue Peter sew on patch for her instead.  We saw her a couple of times after that over the summer, but M had decided to keep quiet about it.  Tuesday was the first korfball session back, so when I dropped the girls off I hung around along with a couple of other parents I'd managed to let know about it.  When she gathered the children round, after I'd got everyone's attention, M made a little speech about what she'd done and Blue Peter's reply and presented the patch to Korfball K, who was chuffed to bits.  She's already sewn it on to her tracksuit top and is telling everyone about it!

Korfball K with her Blue Peter patch!

Recently, when transferring birthdays to our new calendar (I get one which runs from September to the following December) I noticed that it was Felix Fox's birthday on 6th September.  Felix is a puppet who is very much a member of the family, so it's quite surprising that this had been forgotten.  M decided very quickly, since A was away on the day itself that she would bake a cake to celebrate at the weekend.  Since he is a fox, she decided to do so in the shape of one of his favourite things.

A chicken!

Continuing the update - films, games, appeal and more.

We don't go to the cinema particularly frequently generally, but have gone twice as a family this summer.  Both films were ones based on much loved books; The BFG and Swallows & Amazons.  While the girls were, rather critical of the changes from the books, which was to be expected, we did all enjoy them both.  Swallows & Amazons did need to be taken at face value as a film, rather than as an adaptation of the book as it strayed wildly from the original, but was pretty enjoyable if you can manage it.

Somewhere we go more frequently is the Dice Cup and indeed we have been back, this time with friends A & J and their dad C.  As well as playing Mysterium (the current favourite game) a couple of times, we played a few rounds of Telestrations and a couple of new to us games.

The first new game is one that our friends have, so were able to explain how it works.  It's called Saboteur (we just played individual rounds).  The players are all dwarves who are mining for gold, but each is randomly assigned to be either a miner or a saboteur.  You take it in turns to lay tunnel cards or block others from playing, and try to work together to get to the gold, which is under one of three possible cards you are working towards, or indeed stop others from doing so.  The saboteurs have to be quite subtle though, so as not to be blocked from playing themselves.  K didn't play this one, because she doesn't like games where 'you have to be mean', but M and I really enjoyed it. 

Saboteur.

The other new game we tried pretty much at random.  It looked fairly simple.  It was really hard!  It was a pack of cards that had one them 1,2 or 3 of three different shapes, in one three different colours with one of three different sort of shading.  You put out 12 cards on the table and try to find a set.  A set is when all three cards have either three of the four criteria the same, or all but one different.  We quickly gave up trying to be competitive and just tried to find a set between us.  It was incredibly difficult and although the instructions gave the chance of there not being a set with 12 cards on the table as one in several hundred and with 15 cards out one in tens of thousands, we still couldn't find one some of the time!  The girls got fed up with this quite quickly, but C and I got a bit stubborn about it.  It really was quite interesting how hard it was though.

In other news, M & I did some more multiplication today and I have finally persuaded her to give long multiplication a chance.  She seems to have cracked it and when multiplying two two digit numbers, rather than doing 4 individual multiplication sums and then adding them up, she has agreed to do them in a column.  I've made her some worksheets for some more practice, and I'm hopeful that she'll gain confidence soon.

Today we took Beatrice, K's rat to the vet for an operation to remove a lump.  M found it a while back, when it was tiny and could be felt under the skin.  A and the girls took her to the vet, who said to keep an eye on it and bring her back if it got a lot bigger.  It did, to the point that you could clearly see if from some distance.  Given how quickly it had grown, it was recommended to remove it.  Happily it all went well and she is home again and appears very perky.

Finally, we have been working on our submission for the school admission appeal.  The deadline for written submissions (and anything not submitted in writing will not necessarily be considered by the panel) was today (Monday), so we emailed and I dropped a paper copy in to the school.  We think we've got a pretty strong case, but there's nothing we can do now until the day, which is the 13th.  M is really struggling with the uncertainty, as she put it "I don't know whether my life is going to change massively."  It's really preying on her mind, particularly at bedtime and it's really hard not being able to do anything to sort it.

She was asking about our case recently, so I told her about how we have looked at the information the school has given and shown that there are inconsistencies and we've said about it being our catchment school and various other things including pointing out that M has chosen to go to school and so wants to be there which is more than can be said for some/many of the pupils.  To this replied 'Well I'll want to be there on the first day.  I don't know about after that.'  Well, we'll see how that pans out if we win the appeal!

Outdoorsy stuff and indoor crafts and games.

We've been really busy since my last post, so this is going to be rather a mammoth one!  Having got back from Beaumanor on the Sunday, the girls and I headed off again the next day to my parents', where we saw my best friend from uni, S, and her four children ranging in age from nearly 4 to 10.  Fortunately the weather was good, so for most of the time the children all played together in garden, while S and I caught up over tea and cake.  It's always lovely to see them, but is sadly these days not a common occurence, although her having relatives not too far from my parents does help.

On the Tuesday morning, the girls were booked in to do a sewing workshop at the local haberdashery/yarn shop, something they've done previously and enjoyed.  This time they made double-sided fabric baskets, I think is the best way to describe them.

K's finished product....

...and M's.

After the sewing, we went to watch Granny finish her bowls match, before taking her and Big Grandad out for lunch.  Later we went to visit Great Grandma too, who was delighted to see us as always and had a good old moan about her health, which given she's 94 and still living independently is really pretty good!

On Wednesday, the girls and Granny went swimming while I read my book, and then we went off 'Shakespeare-ing'.  Although the girls still like going to the Shakespeare properties, the appeal is waning somewhat, particularly for the Birthplace since the actors who they considered friends have all now moved on.  We went to Mary Arden's Farm for a while, before popping back to Granny's to finish packing up our things and have some lunch.  Rather than going straight home, we went into Stratford and checked out the newly re-opened New Place.  We had been there once before, in the early days of our Shakespeare-ing, when it was still an archeological dig but with very little that you could actually see.  We much prefer it now, with the additional sculptures in the garden and some hands on activities as well as the exhibition inside.

View from a roof terrace over part of the garden.

K building New Place.

Matching play, with plot and characters.

On Thursday after we'd got back we saw our lovely friend, C, who's having a tough time at the moment.  We went out for a drink together while the girls were at Scout camp, which was the day before her birthday.  I gave her Bananagrams for her birthday (she'd borrowed ours and loved it), so although it was rather late, K made her a matching card.

K's quilled card.

M gave her a little pile of presents, including the fabric bowl she'd made at the workshop and made her a card that said 'Happy Random Day' on it.

One of the things M made for C; a little felted fox.

We had a few days at home before we headed off again, this time to visit friends in the Worcestershire countryside.  We were pretty fortunate with the weather and had a lovely walk in the Clent Hills on the Bank Holiday Monday.  It was really rather busy when we got there, with lots of people on the main paths, but once we headed off onto the less well-beaten tracks in the woods, you wouldn't have known it at all.

M, K & M.

M & M.

Two of the standing stones on the top with K enjoying the view from a bench.

As well as the lovely outdoorsy stuff (we also toasted marshmallows on a fire in their new-since-we-were-last-there fire pit, and had a barbeque) they introduced us to a new game and we played some others we'd played before.

Mexican Train

Sequence

The new game that they introduced us to (I don't think it has a name or at least they didn't have one for it) is one where you need only pen and paper (and if you play outside as we did stones to weigh the paper down!).  One person prepares the game (the way we did it they didn't then play, but I don't see why they couldn't, or you could have more than one person preparing it).  They write 25 different words down on separate pieces of paper, the words should be generally fairly random, but with some groups of words linked in some way.  They also draw a 5x5 grid and add 6 ticks and 7 crosses into random boxes on the grid along with one star.  The 25 pieces of paper are then laid out in 5 x 5 pattern at random.  You need two teams, with one person from each team who gets to look at the grid, who then has to give the rest of them team clues to try to find their words and it's the first team to find all their words who win.  If the word with a star is said, then it's game over immediately and the other team win.  The clue-giver is allowed to say one word and then a number, the word is the clue to one or more of the words they need to find and the number is how many they can guess (it may be the exact number needed, but if there are more words that could fit, particularly if they're not words the other team need to find, then your team can guess more as there's no penalty apart from the with with a star).  That team then can guess words up to the number given that they think best fit with the clue word and those words are turned over.  The team that goes first has to find one extra word to even it out and the team that has all their words turned over first, no matter by whom, wins.  We really enjoyed this one and played it several times.  I was thinking that if you keep say 100 words in an envelope, you could pull out 25 random words and have a go without the preparation each time, although I do think having some words that are related probably makes for a better game.

On Tuesday we went for a bushcraft day the other side of Derby, with our friends C, G & L.  It was really good, very well run with a variety of hands on activities that were real, involving fire, saws, axes and drills!

We started with lighting fires, although first we had to find fuel.  It wasn't a piece of cake as it had clearly rained rather a lot recently, but with some tips on what to look for (the silvery part of birch bark for kindling for example) we soon had a good pile.  We did have a little cheat to help us of a ball of cotton wool, which catches fire easily but does burn out pretty quickly.  K, M, G & L started off in a group together and C & I were told to go away, so we did, although L joined us after a while.  It was fairly easy to get the fire going, but not so easy to keep it burning.  I think everyone managed eventually, although most people had to have at least a couple of goes before getting it established enough to cook popcorn over.

L lit it!

M, K & G cooking popcorn.

Nearly ready!

After we'd eaten our popcorn, it was time to get lunch ready.  Rather unexpectedly it was pizza!  There was dough, which one of the helpers rolled out and everyone got to add their own toppings from the selection provided and they were cooked in batches in a metal box thing over the main campfire.  It was very impressive and the pizzas were delicious!

C with M, G & L making their pizzas.

After lunch we went into a different part of the wood, where the children had a bit of a safety talk and explanation as to why it was good management of the wood to chop certain young trees down.  They then tackled sawing down trees, sawing off sections, splitting them in half down the middle with the aid of an axe and mallet, drilling a hole for a leaf sail and then sailing them down the stream.

M & L sawing down a tree.

They learned about how to judge which way the tree should fall, cutting out a wedge on one side, before making the felling cut on the opposite side.

It was a bit tricky around this point, as M & G have become very close and want to spend time just the two of them, however this means that K & L can feel left out.  It's a really tricky balance to try to help them manage for C & me, but F, one of the leaders of the activity, was extremely helpful.  After going off on her own for a bit, K returned and with a bit of persuasion went to help F with another tree and spent a good bit of time with him, sawing and chatting.

L watching K & F sawing down a tree.

Next step, splitting down the middle.

K drilling the hole.

Some of the finished boats.

M & G sailing their boats down the stream.

After some more time exploring the wood and the water meadow beyond it was time to head off.  The whole session was extremely well run and we'd definitely be interested in doing something like this again.  When children are shown how to use real tools safely and trusted to do so, they live up to that trust and can have a really good time doing so.

I had said that we'd have to go straight home after the session, but I was persuaded by the girls to pop back to C, G & L's for a quick cuppa first.  It really was on the way home, so I didn't need an awful lot of persuasion, particularly since and they have a new kitten that turned up hungry and apparently neglected in their garden.  Happily after some tlc and help from the vet she is now doing really well, being full of beans and incredibly cute!

I had planned on getting completely up to date with this post, but I think this is long enough, so will stop there now.  I'll have the evenings on my own this week after the girls are in bed to do so, as A is off to Singapore tomorrow.  He's only actually going to be in the country for just over 48 hours, but away from Monday until Friday.  So there will soon be an update on the school admissions appeal (just over a week to go) as well as another trip to the Dice Cup and some baking!